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Joke of the Day

"Just once can we make someone regret inviting 10,000 people to their Facebook event."

"'Vegetarian' is an old Indian word ... ... for 'bad hunter'."

"Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl."

"When men say ""I'm fine"" they actually mean it. Weirdos."

"Me: I've been constipated for 2 months. Friend: No shit?"

"Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able."

"There was a Spanish magician... And he was performing for a crowd. He told the crowd that he would dissapear into thin air. So he counted: UNO! DOS! And he dissapeared without a tres."

"3yo: make me oatmeal me: *poof* you're oatmeal 3yo: me: *makes oatmeal"

"What is a pedophile's favorite guitar chord? A minor"

"So two condoms walk into a bar... One looks at the other and says ""did you know this is a gay bar?"" ""Well yeah"" said the first condom, ""I plan on getting shitfaced tonight."""