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Joke of the Day

"Pretty soon Starbucks will stop being coy and offer to just shove a pumpkin & a fistful of nutmeg in your ass for $20."

"There was a vote at the offices of Microsoft whether to update a beloved software or keep it the way it was. Bill Gates decided to v2 it"

"""So how did you two meet?"" ""Unfortunately."""

"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"

"What percentage of germans are not nazis? ninety-nine point nein nein nein nein nein nein nein percent"

"Life is like a penis. It's soft and squishy until a girl comes along and makes it hard."

"How did Obama react when he heard Donald Trump won for president? [*removed due to copyright infringement*]"

"What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded."

"Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first..."

"Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President."