87079

Joke of the Day

"A clairvoyant, palm-reading midget escaped from prison last night. You shoulda seen the headline in this morning's paper..... ""SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE"""

"Where did the terrorist go after the explosion? Everywhere.."

"Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed."

"What's the difference between Ray Charles and Ray Rice? Ray Charles wasn't a one-hit wonder."

"How long do owls live? Six and a half books."

"Why did Dwayne ""The Rock"" Johnson have to change his diet? Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!"

"If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton."

"What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together."

"[doorbell] ""Sir, do you believe Jesus died for your sins?"" ""No."" ""Why not?"" ""He died like 2000 years ago."" ""So?"" ""I'm 46. Do the math."""

"What do a gay dolphin and a car that leaks oil have in common? Chances are, both have blown a seal"