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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69! Wakka wakka wakka!"

"My mate sold me a guitar for 5... No strings attached"

"A poem for you I dig... You dig... We dig... He dig... She dig... They dig... ******** It's not a very beautiful poem but it's quite deep"

"Modern art.. I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror!"

"Newspapers are missing the obvious headline for Target's Canadian stores closing down... TARGET MISSES THE MARK"

"*robbing a bank with a chainsaw* Me: GIVE ME ALL Y- Teller: WHAT M: GIVE ME THE MONEY T: SIR YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT IN HERE M: WHAT"

"Why was the lightning grilled on the stove? -To make heat lightning"

"Tomorrow France plays Germany... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War 2 record..."

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK."