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Joke of the Day

"ME: Not gonna make it in today. I hurt my updog. BOSS: What's updog? ME: Nothing much, prolly just gonna take a nap."

"What did Obama say when he was alone? Obamaself"

"What's a lawyer's favorite type of cake? Torte"

"How do you blind an Asian? With dental floss."

"[At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?"

"We waste our entire youth to obtain wealth and later on our entire wealth to obtain youth."

"Which race is the most racist? The human one."

"Have you ever heard of the exhausted frog? He was out of bounds"

"Why are black people so tall? Because their knee grows."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced it with,but I've been tripping all day."