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Joke of the Day

"My job is secure. No one else wants it."

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s? A whole-lot-more"

"What's the difference between acetone and Hitler? One is used to remove the polish, and the other is used to remove the Polish."

"[walking down street with date after dinner] him: i had a great time me: yep... [gestures towards garbage truck] welp, this is me [jumps in]"

"My favorite sex position is the JFK. It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"What did A say to B about : and D? They seem happy when they are together - :D"

"If you play a NIickelback song backwards you'll hear messages from the illuminant.Even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear NIickelback"

"My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve."

"In 2009, it cost approximately 53,000 dollars to fly a troop to Iraq, and nearly double that to fly them back. Probably because of all the extra baggage."