86701

Joke of the Day

"When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe"

"Two girls are playing in a sandbox One girl says: ""My daddy's penis is this big"" and holds her hands 8"" apart. The asian girl replies: ""My daddy's penis is only half that size. It still hurts."""

"I love you my friends and that's not just the beer talking. It's from the bottom of my bottle of wine too."

"Why are there no knock knock jokes about America? Cause' freedom rings"

"Why did the man snort Dr. Pepper? He thought it was Coke!"

"the children's version of ""The Catcher In The Rye"" is called ""My Little Phony"""

"The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close."

"Laser hair removal? Uhhh, why would anyone with laser hair ever want to get it removed?"

"[calls wife] honey help 'whats wrong?' im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit 'ok just stop crying'"

"APPLE GENIUS: [looks around nervously] if I had a criticism of this phone it would be that- {trapdoor} NEW APPLE GENIUS: that it's perfect."