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Joke of the Day

"APPLE GENIUS: [looks around nervously] if I had a criticism of this phone it would be that- {trapdoor} NEW APPLE GENIUS: that it's perfect."

"One day Jack was feeling happy.. Happy slapped him."

"What was the most popular TV show in Ancient Rome and Germany in early AD? Whose Rhine Is It Anyway?"

"I know a good story about juice.. .. It's pulp fiction."

"ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire"

"I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad."

"Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"What do you call a midget with no teeth A gum job."

"If you are unhappy with this status update, please press 0 to speak with a customer service representative. Just kidding! Kiss my ass"

"Guys, is it okay that I kinda hate the obsequious rhetorical questions people ask when they want to sound like a wry, world-weary populist?"