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Joke of the Day

"[calls wife] honey help 'whats wrong?' im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit 'ok just stop crying'"

Next Joke
 
"Uhm, excuse me waiter... I'd like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram."
"Where do monkeys hang out? At the monkey bars."
"What's the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife? A prostitute says ""Faster, faster!"" A girlfriend says ""More, more!"" A wife says ""Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."""
"Last night I played Cards Against Humanity for the first time... You know what gives me uncontrollable gas? Auschwitz"
"Uncle Robert was talking to his nephew Jimmy ""Uncle Bobby, how did you become my uncle?"" ""Well Jimmy, your parents went wham-bam and now Bob's your uncle."""
"*as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 ""Wow, push-ups?"" Uhm, no? Just learning to count."
"I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there."
"I have a bunch of sheep puns....... But they're, pretty Baa^aaaaa^aaaaa^aad."
"What soup weighs the most? Wanton soup. I'll leave now."