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Joke of the Day

"[calls wife] honey help 'whats wrong?' im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit 'ok just stop crying'"

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"Ever step on a Lego and then kill yourself just to make the pain stop?"
"I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!"
"A man walks into a bar... Another man ducks."
"Did you hear the one where the Scotsman gave his son some money? Neither did I."
"Bloody Foreigner... ...coming over here, wanting to know what love is."
"5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette."
"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said: ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""
"What's a peasant's favorite sport? Serfing."
"KNOCK KNOCK.....WHOSE THERE? GESTAPO"