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Joke of the Day

"What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ."

"Sarah Jessica Parker had a leaked sex tape... The man has been arrested for bestiality."

"They say when you shave it grows back thicker. Can't wait to see my new cock."

"My version of ""naked and afraid"" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise."

"person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON"

"$50 says Jesus rose from the dead to clear his browser history."

"Hey Texas, in Florida it's legal to abort other people's kids up to 17 years."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way :("

"What do we want now!? When do we want 'em? Time machines!"

"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"