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Joke of the Day

"You staring at your phone= jerk. Me staring at my phone= cool guy with lots of shit happening in his life."

"What is the media of choice for the mallard? **DUCK TAPE!!!** lololololololol-- *cough cough* --lololololol"

"You know what we used to call vegetarians? Idiots that couldn't hunt or fish."

"Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil It only cost him a Penny"

"Did you hear what NASA said about the asteroid? [OC] ""No comet."""

"World peace or all of Bill Gates' money? If you had a choice between world peace or Bill Gates' money, what color would your Lamborghini be?"

"Women usually love when I compliment them on their youthful appearance. But this lady is obviously upset over comments about her pimples."

"What does a robot do during sex? He nuts and bolts!"

"I invited a friend over after school. I told my mom he's my brother from another mother. My parents are now in the divorce process."

"I had to take my son's dirty diaper off today. I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place."