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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you thought my hair twirling was flirting? Actually, it was just me checking for split ends because you were boring the shit out of me."

"Yo gurl is your dad in prison? 'cause if I was your dad I'd be in prison."

"I like my coffee like I like my women.. Without a penis"

"Did you hear about the stupid photographer? He saved burned out lightbulbs for use in his darkroom."

"Me: yes, I'll take the free burger Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one Me: I only want one though, the free one"

"Gas is so fracking expensive these days."

"When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper ""You did this."""

"Every husband is a farmer by default.. his survival solely depends on ""Agree""culture"

"[Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist"

"Girl hey what's up? Boy if i tell you, will you sit on it? Sex is like a misdmeanor, the kore i miss it, the meaner i get."