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Joke of the Day

"So I accidentally fell onto the rope connecting my two pigs... I tore my hamstring."

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, ""It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."""

"I hate w.hen my period comes early"

"How do you know if someone's a pilot? because they'll fucking tell you."

"I can't believe it. I saw on the news where a midget got pick pocketed in broad daylight...how could anyone stoop so low?"

"Birdhood A single shot film with no cuts and a running time of 12 years."

"A baby mosquito had just returned after his first flight. Daddy mosquito asked, ""So, son, how did it feel?"" The baby mosquito replied, ""Wow, Dad, it was wonderful. Everyone was clapping for me!"""

"Wife: ""Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits."" Husband: ""For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"""

"What if the weather talks about us?"

"""I just can't help myself!"" paramedic on his deathbed"