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Joke of the Day

"It's so insulting when people think they need to explain simple things to me. I mean like, don't consume I'm dumb n shit, you know?"

"I went to the shop to buy eight legs of venison... But it was two deer."

"Q: Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank? A: Because she had an interest in the principal."

"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup."

"My girl friend wanted a nose job... So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough."

"Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute"

"I absolutely, unequivocally support any and all scientific efforts to create a real, working invisibility cloak. I just want to make myself crystal clear."

"I like my rape jokes how I like my rape victims... Not taken seriously."

"I looked around for hours, trying to find a Nude Beach. ...but they were all clothed."

"Fellas, If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex. P.S. Bring a spider."