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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no f*cking money in there."

"If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet."

"If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life.... Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?"

"""Ice, Ice, Baby, Vanilla, Ice, Ice, Baby."" - Worst cocktail recipe ever"

"I'm not going to masturbate for the rest of the year Three more hours to go."

"If you ever feel bad about your procrastination, Harry had three month to figure out the egg clue and still did it the night before"

"The Point of A Conference Call A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say ""bye"" 300 times."

"Why did the kid dump a bucket of water off the school roof? He wanted to make a big splash in front of his class."

"Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad"

"How heavy is a hipster? One thousand instagrams"