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Joke of the Day

"*breaks glass* *pulls fire alarm* [outside] Great, now that you're all here, I want to correct this impression in the office that I'm weird."

"Remember ladies, the knight with the shiniest armour has done the least amount of brave or cool shit."

"What did the Doe say when she walked out of the bushes? I'll never do that for two bucks again."

"Does saying ""No Nigerian scammers"" in your ad really deter Nigerian scammers from scamming you Nigeriously?"

"I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle."

"What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._ A Boston lager. . . . . . I made this up yesterday in the car."

"I decided to come to my friends as transparent they saw right through me."

"Germany are welcoming refugees like war heroes because they had never had the chance to welcome the real thing. I'm mean."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? 4"

"Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don't think I'm hungry for lunch anymore. ."