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Joke of the Day

"[Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill...screwdriver... tape...there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done."

"How do you make a dumb person curious? I'll tell you tomorrow..."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. He gave it to her."

"I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting. What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?"

"I am genderfluid I sexually identify as mayonnaise. If you can't stand it than you neeed to ketchup."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Aids."

"I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand. Must have been an insight joke..."

"[Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm ""latte"" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer"

"When a track star gets best time in a race they ""Break a record"" but when I do it I've ""Falsely entered a Special Olympics event""."

"Do someone a favor and it becomes your job."