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Joke of the Day

"What is gray and comes in pints? An elephant! edit: maybe I should say what is gray and cums in pints?"

"Why can't your penis be 12 inches? Because then it'd be a foot"

"What do you call someone who doesn't like The Simpsons? A Homerphobe! LOL! Just made that up!"

"Hey! I took my diaper off, see? Oh! Look! I found your power drill! Gonna go see if it fits an outlet.. Bye! -My 2yo when I'm on the toilet"

"How do you get a Twinkie pregnant? How to put it in a box of Ding Dongs."

"[1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand"

"What do you call terrorists who have degrees in material science and electromagnetic theory? HysterISIS"

"hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? ""dude, that's a condom"""

"What's the difference between Brussel sprouts and snot? .. Kids don't eat Brussel sprouts !"

"Lunch. Meeting. Sure, let's ruin both at once."