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Joke of the Day

"[1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand"

"I need Volcano puns Anyone have any good volcano puns that I can use?"

"What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public? A private tooter"

"Want to hear a sports joke? Lance Armstrong"

"You know why Communist Jokes are funny? Because they are Commie-cal."

"A redditor and his friend, Elle, walk into a bar... The redditor notices a jar of mayonnaise on the bar, so he says, ""Hey, Elle, a mayo!"""

"whats a frogs favourite type of shoe... open toaded shoes"

"To be fair, being Swiss isn't ALL bad The flag is a big plus"

"Guy calls his wife and says, ""I had an accident at the factory today - a machine cut off my finger!"" His wife asks, ""The whole finger?"" He replies, ""No, the one next to it."""

"My gf just sent me an SMS: ""Spacekeydoesn'tworkcanyougivemeanalternative"" I am really excited but what the f**k does ternative mean?"