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Joke of the Day

"Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car? A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!"

"Scientists have a new working theory on what happened before the Big Bang. Your mom put an ad on Craigslist."

"I don't know why, but books about medicine are hilarious. The section about urinary tract infections made me pee my pants."

"My girlfriend kept saying she'd hit me if I didn't stop singing Haddaway's What is Love.... I said ""Baby, don't hurt me"""

"Men are just opposite from guns The smaller the caliber, the bigger the bore"

"I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights. For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting."

"Wife holding bank statement: What's this payment? Me: we're sponsoring a panda! W: so is this monthly? M: No, it's just for the one skydive"

"The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills."

"Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?"

"What do you call 5 black people having sex.. ...a threesome."