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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why, but books about medicine are hilarious. The section about urinary tract infections made me pee my pants."

"I went to the hospital today and told the doctor my baby was born 9 months early. She asked to see it, so I came on her face."

"What do you call a camera with severe mood swings? A BiPolaroid"

"Whats does Copy pasta taste like? The same"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down."

"That Schrodinger guy used to throw some great parties... ... about half the time."

"I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh."

"Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, i wonder how we're supposed to imitate them on the dance floor?"

"I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open"

"What do you get when you mix two chains and a cow? Truuuuuuuuuuu-moooooooooooooooooo!!!"