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Joke of the Day

"Might be time to get in shape. Halfway up these stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning."

"How do you make someone holy? You beat the hell out of them."

"When picking partners for a trust fall . . . . . . Always choose the ground. The ground will always catch you."

"I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done..."

"Yo mama so fat she uses the interstate as a slip and slide."

"phones are so much more than just phones nowadays, like they can also be napkins, or paper towels, or tiny depression machines, or napkins"

"Watching people try to find a lost car in a parking lot is oddly soothing"

"Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful."

"why are black people so good at basketball because they can shoot steal and run!"

"Using spin moves while allowing an opponent's sword to narrowly miss your head forces them to add majestic layers and volume to your hair."