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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?"

"I don't use Miracle Whip, I use Coincidental Circumstances Easily Explained by Reason Whip."

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"What kind of chocolate swims in the ocean? scubGodivas."

"I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way."

"Plunging... ...is like performing CPR on your toilet."

"What's the difference between OP and Fed-Ex?"

"Well I'm not really sure why you put ""Baby: Ages 0-6"" on your resume, but more importantly, why were you a baby for so long"

"Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose."

"5-year-old: Why do you do chores if you don't like to? Me: The same reason you eat your vegetables. 5: Because Mom is scary? Bingo."