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Joke of the Day

"Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday"

"Donald Trump, his publicist, and his ghostwriter walk into a bar... ""So you're alone tonight, Donnie?"""

"Is it possible to divorce someone twice? Not re-marry and divorce again, but divorce twice so you're completely done. Like, extra divorced."

"At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she'll need to get a job. Is it 6?"

"1) Pull black socks to knees 2) Wear sandals 3) Wear Magnum PI shorts 4) Make ball sack slightly visible -Grandpa's guide to lawn mowing"

"How do you know humans can't reincarnate as insects? You've ever gotten one bug bite not on your crotch (or tits)."

"What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing you can't cross a vector with a scaler."

"Why shouldn't white people swim? Crackers get soggy when wet."

"Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me."

"Did you hear about the Pigeon rebellion? Yeah, it was a ""coo"" d'etat."