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Joke of the Day

"At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she'll need to get a job. Is it 6?"

"I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell."

"We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick."

"On the eve of her execution, a woman is asked what her last meal will be. ""I don't know. What do you want?"""

"Mexican joke What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos"

"Q: What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint? A: Both crews were marooned."

"Dear algebra, Stop telling us to find your x, she's never coming back. Don't ask y. Sincerely, PB1541"

"Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes? There was a sin tax error. [8.5]"

"It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors."

"[spelling bee] your word is 'hor d'oeuvre' ""can you use it in a sentence?"" yes...'I bet this kid can't spell hor d'oeuvre'"