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Joke of the Day

"I will be tweeting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."

"A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" He answers, ""because I'm an alcoholic and I'm destroying my family."""

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Hell-if-I-know"

"Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she ""couldn't make it in to work."" This is called managing upwards, people."

"*calls mom* ""Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today"" *long pause* ""Mom?"" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* ""Mom?"""

"Did you hear about the new anti-depressant for lesbians? It's called tricoxagain."

"What were Charles Darwin's favorite fruits? Oranges and peaches."

"A gerund, infinitive, and a past participle walk into a bar. Drinking, to drink, to get drunk"

"Anytime I see someone with dreadlocks i yell CONGRATS ON HAVING A DIRTY HEAD FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME"

"What's a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet"