73657

Joke of the Day

"*calls mom* ""Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today"" *long pause* ""Mom?"" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* ""Mom?"""

"I have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder...but I heard great things about him, like he supported 3 people at one time... last I heard he was In a 12 step program"

"Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles."

"A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls"

"Homework is like a penis.... its long and hard unless you're asian."

"I was at the bank earlier and an elderly lady asked me to check her balance for her I still don't understand why she was mad when I pushed her over"

"Just bought a thesaurus and when I looked, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am!"

"You can accurately measure a person's intelligence level by giving them a simple prostate exam. If they let you, they're an idiot."

"Don't tell a Klepto this... ...they take everything literally."

"What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog ? Father Christmas wears a whole suit a dog just pants!"