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Joke of the Day

"The phrase ""Whatever floats your boat"" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water."

"I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time. I'm a cereal monogamist."

"How do you say genius sarcastically? Apple genius."

"Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes."

"The doctor asked for a urine sample, a blood sample and a semen sample So I gave him my underwear"

"Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist that experimented with cadavers. His name was Frank"

"Good one liner You have a striking face.....how many times has it been struck?"

"Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth? And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?"

"Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate."

"Tower: Cannot read you say again! Pilot: Again!"