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Joke of the Day

"How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar? They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years."

"Nobody's taking my presidential campaign seriously. I'll bet this has something to do with my lack of serious sexual indiscretions."

"Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat ""so sorry so sorry"" and keep moving forward."

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it."

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? ... Denim denim denim"

"What's the most redundant sentence you can come up with? -department of redundancy department"

"Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields"

"How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 700 up votes I'll let you know"

"""This ice bucket challenge is really contributing to California's drought"" I said as i skipped into Raging Waters"

"I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays."