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Joke of the Day

"a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you're supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot"

"Writing ""Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???"" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram"

"saying ""we won"" after watching a sports game is like saying ""we played really well"" after watching a concert"

"Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church..... They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too."

"I forgot I had an ambien in my back pocket Now my ass is asleep"

"Two white guys and a black guy go to the police station The two white guys return"

"So an openly gay guy patronized a store in Indiana ."

"Why DOES ""February"" have that extra R? It should just be ""Februay."""

"I used to be a taxi driver but I had to quit... I couldn't stand people talking behind my back."

"A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home."