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Joke of the Day

"Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic. Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid."

"What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open? In tennis, love means nothing."

"How does every ethnic joke start? By looking over your shoulder"

"Q: What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan? (Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end"

"A math teacher invented something. A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer. He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'"

"Saw a guy scratch his balls and then he made eye contact with me as he smelled his fingers. Probably took 8 years off my life."

"She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather"

"What do you call it when you have sex to Scott Joplin music? A maple leaf shag!"

"A leper gave me the finger the other day I was upset, but I still did the right thing and gave it back"

"A businessman comes into work distraught, wearing a bloody suit.NSFW A coworker asks him, ""What happened to your tie?"" He responds, ""I had to kill that whore because she had a freaking dick."""