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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan? (Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end"

"Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships"

"My dad is a blackjack dealer. He hit me until I was 21."

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? You slow down and add lubricant."

"If you enjoy sitting around and doing nothing, I'm your girl."

"(getting murdered) please i have a Sims family"

"I got a job at a circle making factory! Sadly, I was fired today because I was cutting corners"

"What kind of woman are the most irrational? The ones with the golden proportions!"

"[dog park] Go get it, boy! *dog returns with silver watch, silver bracelet & silver necklace* Ugh, you're the worst golden retriever ever"

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders"