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Joke of the Day

"ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down"

"This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him ""You passed my house, let me out"" & he's all like ""Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."""

"Where do one-legged people eat? Ihop"

"Trump & Clinton Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are stuck on a boat. Who survives? America."

"My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas costs everywhere"

"Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning..."

"I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium."

"What is Donald Trump's favorite album? The Wall"

"We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says, ""Hey you, get offa' my cloud."" A Scotsman says, ""Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."""