84002

Joke of the Day

"Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning."

"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"

"If you are living your life without giving an ""f"", You are living a li[ ]e."

"What do they call Counter-Strike in the Middle East? Tuesday."

"I love getting Halloween candy... It makes me Snicker(s)."

"Did you hear about the Easter Egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs"

">Get text. Is Letterman. >Pet tricks and chill?"

"Mental illness isn't a disease... ... It's all in the mind."

"Wife: ""Can you pick up milk?"" Me: *lifts gallon* ""Yeah, it's easy."" Wife: ""I mean from the store."" Me: ""I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"""

"I never knew Godwin's law was in the English Oxford dictionary.. What a bunch of language fascists. edited: grammar Nazis"