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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock Who's...(loud crash as a battering ram demolishes the front door)...there? We're the Ferguson Police Department. We ask the questions."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none. They would just beat the room because it was black."

"What do cats read Mewspapers"

"Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life."

"Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm."

"I hate when The Little Mermaid is all ""who cares no big deal I want more!"" Like, you already have 20 thingamabobs you aquatic scumbag relax"

"If your building doesn't have an elevator and you don't live on the first floor, we can't date. I'm looking for a relationship, not a gym."

"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them."

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. We don't address hardware issues."

"What did the chicken say ? What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it."