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Joke of the Day

"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"

"Don't you just hate it when you can't go to someone's funeral Because that person is still alive?"

"In middle school chuck Norris was assigned an essay about what courage was. He got an A+ by turning in a blank sheet of paper with his name on it."

"What type of MMO's does the Taliban play? RPG's"

"It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich."

"Jet Steel can't melt dank memes"

"I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. ""I'm not a clown!"" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!"

"""Dad, I don't feel good."" ""Do you want to go see the doctor?"" ""Yeah."" ""Are you gonna throw up?"" ""Maybe."" ""OK. We'll take your mom's car."""

"What do you call a person who is outstanding in their field? A farmer"