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Joke of the Day

"FIRST TIME SEX My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: ""What are you doing?"" Me: ""I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering."

"Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN."

"Everyone thought you could get a writing job from twitter but that never happens anymore its only for things like becoming the president"

"Why did the Muslim man let the air out of his sex doll? So he could blow it up again."

"Approach a woman in a bar and whisper ""Hey, wanna get out of here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

"What does Sonic the Hedgehog wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo"

"So LIGO scientists were finally able to detect gravitational waves... Don't know what took them so long. Your mom's been around for some time now, rippling spacetime."

"What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool? What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens"

"If a guy from Boston ever asks if you want to smoke a hookah be careful You might end up shooting a prostitute."

"Remember when Disney used to produce cartoons, not teen sluts?"