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Joke of the Day

"Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, ""Awww, are you an orphan""? He said, ""Yes, what gave me away?"" I said, ""Your parents."""

"What do America and Russia have in common? They both want to kill turkey this thanksgiving"

"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."

"I went to the doctor for a checkup. A friend asked ""Which doctor?"" I replied ""No, a medical one."""

"*uses Oujia board* SMELLS LIKE UPDOG me: what's updog? NOT MUCH, DOG, JUST ABOUT TO POSSESS YOUR CAT me: what cat: what"

"Terminator doesn't google himself he uses Altavista baby."

"""The Godfather"" teaches us that: 1. Nothing is more important than family and 2. Our families are always trying to kill us."

"What does the future hold? Global warming, depleted resources, & species going extinct. But also the iPhone 5, so it's break even."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. My dad used to tell me this all the time when I was little. Still makes me chuckle to this day."

"I was going to tell a gay joke Butt fuck it! Not saying it's original but still funny"