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Joke of the Day

"I just started a new job at a factory that makes chess pieces. I'm on knights next week."

"Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules."

"Me:""The store didn't have any bread so I brought flour"" Wife:""If they didn't have butter would you buy a cow"" *sound of hooves in kitchen*"

"What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved? Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple...."

"Today is Short Girl Appreciation Day... (NSFW) and I don't get it. I appreciate short girls every day; sometimes twice!"

"Darn it A man was walking around his backyard in his stocking feet and stubbed his toe on a rock. His sock exclaimed ""I'll be darned!"""

"""May your old acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind."" -Sir Smirnoff"

"[team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach! Coach: This is tennis."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Colin ! Colin who ? Colin all cars Colin all cars !"

"Militant feminists: I take my hat off to them. They don't like that."