28818

Joke of the Day

"Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules."

"You know why some people wear socks with sandals?Cos they've never been punched in the head for it.If you see an offender,do the right thing"

"I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia."

"Turns out today is Star Wars day... May the fourth be with you."

"What is it called when a blind deaf man commits murder? Senseless Slaughter..."

"There's been a lot of sexual assaults at a bread store in India The media's calling it the Rape of Naan King"

"TIFU by firing a torpedo at an ally submarine Whoops, wrong sub."

"Women are always complaining that I make too many 'dick' jokes but I don't understand why. I mean, that's the only part of me guaranteed to make them laugh."

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"He arrives mysteriously. Helps others, performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens. - E.T. (1982) PG"