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Joke of the Day

"Today is Short Girl Appreciation Day... (NSFW) and I don't get it. I appreciate short girls every day; sometimes twice!"

"I once went on a date with a playwright It was all going well, until she started making a scene"

"What is the official ice cream flavor of the Academy Awards? Vanilla, because it's all white."

"Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder."

"I asked my Nan what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something from the Body Shop please,"" she replied..... Hope she's got enough room in the flat for the front wing off a Mondeo."

"I can't help but pronounce A, E, I, O, and U very aggressivley. I think I have irrititable vowel syndrome."

"""Hey Al, I heard you're constipated."" ""No shit."""

"If you can't enjoy sex when I sing Ladysmith Black Mambazo, we either need to hire 9 black men or have the racism talk."

"How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible"

"My greatest fear is that I'll be reported as a missing person and my family guesstimates my weight way higher than what I actually weigh"