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Joke of the Day

"A woman asked me for a German method of coal extraction... And mein shaft she got"

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"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!"
"English teachers put more thought into novels than the authors do."
"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."
"Narcissist? Let's just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me."
"What has ten letters and starts with gas? ""flatulence"""
"Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe. He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday."
"What's the real reason why SJWs hate guns? They don't come with trigger warnings."
"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."
"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks, homie."