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Joke of the Day

"1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos"

"Why do witches not wear panties? You get better grip on the brooms."

"WHY DID HITLER COMMIT SUICIDE? Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he saw his gas bill."

"So prince is dead... Which means that half-way through the embalming process, he'll be a half-blood prince."

"How do you know when there's a lead singer at the door? The knocking is all out of rhythm, they can't find the key, and they never know when to come in!"

"Waitress: ""Enjoy your meal"" Patron: ""you too"" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]"

"you can't believe it's not butter? buddy, almost everything is not butter"

"what did the prostitutes knee say to the other one? nothing, they have never met!"

"For Christmas, my wife wanted something that would go from zero to 160 in 4 seconds So I bought her a new scale."

"I bet vampires just walk around saying how different things were in back the old days."