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Joke of the Day
"I keep ringing Screwfix... .. To this day they still insist they're not a matchmaking agency!"
Next Joke
"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"
"A duck walks into a drug store. He says ""Give me some chap stick."" The cashier asks ""Will that be cash or credit?"" The duck says ""Just put it on my bill."""
"What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both."
"Why is a T-rex so angry? He can't masturbate."
"What's a Republican's favorite number? ""NEIN!"""
"I ran without my headphones today & was reminded that I feel better about my fitness when my soundtrack isn't my panicked gasping breathing."
"My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom This morning we synthesised a new protein chain"
"What is red... And smells like green paint? Red paint! Whats green, and smells like red paint? Green paint :) Can't believe how many time I switch to the second, and they don't get it!"
"How old do I look? 9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any"