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Joke of the Day

"A duck walks into a drug store. He says ""Give me some chap stick."" The cashier asks ""Will that be cash or credit?"" The duck says ""Just put it on my bill."""

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"Why did the tomato blush? He saw the salad dressing!"

"I was never a big believer in feng shui, UNTIL I took the urinal off my livingroom wall. It's like freaking magic!"

"Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again"

"Q: What mythological monster casts no reflection? A: All of them."

"There's Angie, and then there's Drunk Angie, and one of us tried to make it to Mexico on an exercise bike."

"A Cellular Service Provider Joke What did the man with Verizon say to the woman with Sprint? You better Sprint on over to the Verizon store."

"I accidentally washed a black sock in with my whites and everything came out fine, so I totally get that whole ""I Have a Dream"" thing now."

"An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan... An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan. The egg turns to the sausage and says, ""It's getting hot in here!"", and the sausage replies ""Wow! A talking egg!"""