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Joke of the Day

"I ran without my headphones today & was reminded that I feel better about my fitness when my soundtrack isn't my panicked gasping breathing."

"Men are like Bluetooth. When they're close they're connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment."

"Bono and a Lightbulb How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world."

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, ""Can you make me one with everything?"""

"Why can't Ray Charles see his friends? ....because he's married."

"What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants? My iPhone 6"

"Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump."

"What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with? Little Caesar's"

"*Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it."