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Joke of the Day
"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his soup before it was cool"
Next Joke
"What's your best mattress joke? Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)"
"When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you're reading this, I want my boomerang."
"I probably shouldn't have spent $500 on that pair of leather sunglasses... But hidesight is 20/20, I suppose"
"A Scotsman, an Essex girl and an alien walk into a bar... The landlord looks up and says, ""What the hell is this? Some kind of a joke?"""
"I was once a man stuck in a woman's body. I'll never mistake superglue for lube again."
"Unroll wrapping paper. Shoo cat away Turn to get gift Shoo cat away Get tape Dammit cat Get tape Wrap up cat Wrap up gift Pet cat"
"John Cena woke up from a coma John Cena: Where am I? Nurse: ICU John Cena: No you don't. Edit: double enter"
"Did you hear about Jared Fogle? He likes to eat a little *too* fresh."
"[son falls over & hurts himself] ME: aww poor kid, he needs a little THC WIFE: don't you mean TLC? ME: [huge bong rip] he needs what now?"