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Joke of the Day

"The most successful marriages and the very worst marriages end exactly the same way... ...with one partner watching the other one die."

"Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus."

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work"

"Why did the gifting company fire their last employee ? Because they got a bad wrap."

"Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop"

"I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really enjoyed it."

"Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done"

"Saying the Punchline After the Setup What's the key to a good joke?"

"Why are successful people such assholes? They get shit done."