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Joke of the Day

"Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus."

"LunchablesTM? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna"

"If you're sad & lonely If you're sad, lonely & home alone always watch good horror movie & you will feel someone's presence with you."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Con ! Con who? Con unhinged !"

"Awww it's cute how your baby pulls my hair. Like she doesn't realise I will pull hers right back."

"Why can't dwarfs sing? Because they can't reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk."

"What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership? My newt."

"I don't think a lion would play golf But a Tiger Wood"

"My first sex was like 100m dash... ... with 8 black men and a gun."

"Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend. I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key."