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Joke of the Day

"I love when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible shit."

"What do you call a chica on the go? Chicago"

"Give a man a jacket and he'll be warm for a day......teach a man to jacket he'll never leave the house"

"I have a new low score on the Wells Fargo game I downloaded on my iPhone."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking. He said he was busy and I'd just have to be a little patient."

"There was a man so poor and broke... That when someone stole his wallet, the robber went bankrupt."

"Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry."

"[at the mall] ""Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?"" ""Of course."" [leans in to mic] ""Goodbye you little shit."""

"Did I ever tell you about the industrial prostitute? She had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip. So she can make money on the side."

"What do Jewish women get when they go to the gynecologist? A pap schmear."